22 things that will happen when the IPL is nationalised‏ as our beloved Lalu Yadav is demanding because his son was not selected to play:

1. The new Commissioner of the IPL, replacing Lalit Modi, will be an IAS officer, 1989 batch, transferred from the Food Corporation of India

2. Mayawati will demand, however, that the new Chairman should be her own candidate, Mr Dalit Modi.

3. The name of Mumbai Indians will immediately be changed to Mumbai Manus. It will, naturally, field only Maharashtrians (preferably Maharshtrian Brahmins). All other players will have their legs broken. Zaheer Khan will have his house burned down. So will Irfan Pathan, Yusuf Pathan and Mohammed Kaif.

4. The Chennai Super Kings team will be renamed Dravida Cricket Kazhagam. Subsequently one faction will break away and the team will split into DCK (DMK) and AIADCK, owing allegience to Karunanidhi and Jayalalitha, respectively.

5. Each political party will have its own team: BJP Bandits, Congress Cobras, CPI Cadres, Samajwadi Strikers, CPM Challengers, Trinamul Tigers, et cetera.

6. Auction of players will be replaced by teams calling for tenders for players. The lowest priced players will be picked.

7.  Cheerleaders will be replaced by honourable ministers who will give speeches during breaks in the match.

8. Sonia Gandhi will insist that 30% of each team should be reserved for be women.

9. Mayawati will demand SC~ST players will need to run for only 18 yards instead of 22 yards between the wickets.

10. Third Umpire requests will have to be filled in triplicate and duly notarised.

11. All Third Umpire decisions will be referred to a Joint Parlimentary Commission.

12. IPL tickets will henceforth be available at all post offices and BSNL centres from 10 a.m. to 12:45 p.m. The facility to purchase tickets on your cell phone will immediately be withdrawn.

13. Replacing an injured foreign player can be done only through a Tatkal application submitted 48 hours after a government doctor examines him.

14. Cheerleaders will be replaced by retired Air-India flight attendants.

15. The new cheerleaders will perform the folk dances of the states they represent during breaks.

16. IPL matches will be shown only on Doordarshan. They will be telecast the day immediately following the match, from 4 a.m. to 7:30 a.m. and subsequently from 3:30 a.m. to 7 p.m, subject to satellite link-up availability.

17. Between each innings break Doordarshan will telecast the news in Hindi, followed by news for the hearing impaired.

18. Agricultural shots can be played only during the phase of the game termed “Krishi Darshan”.

19. There will be no matches on weekends or on national/regional holidays.

20. The three stumps will be painted saffron, white and green.

21. Bowlers will have to bowl sarpatti and ghasssarkundi balls to the reserved players.

22. Pakistan will immediately announce its intention to start its own version of the tournament called PPL, and Mr Zardari will make a visit to Washington to meeet President Obama and seek an additional grant of $1 billion to fund it

I  had posted the dangers of IPL the day it was launched 3 years ago. At that time many scoffed at what I wrote. I guess now people are finally getting wiser as to the threat that IPL poses not just to Indian cricket , world cricket but most importantly society at largel

At that time I wrote that for IPL to be a true success (considering the vast amounts of sums the franchise owners were putting in) it would have to eat into a BIG PORTION of not just Indian crickets pie but world cricket as well. Already we are seeing the dangers of how IPL is affecting certain cricket boards all over the world as players would much rather play just 6 to 7 weeks in a year and earn multiple times of what they would have earned playing for their country for the entire year. Of course not all players have been seduced by the “dark side” but eventually as IPL continues young and impressionable players may not be as “patriotic” as some of their predecessors….Mankad, Umrigar, Amarnath et al!!

Still, this is only part of the problem. There are many other problems that IPL has raised. I was skeptical of how IPL could return the investments of its owners EVEN IF IT BECAME A BIG SUCCESS.

Consider the following.

In order to boost up the equity (by just falsely increasing the perceptive brand value)  Lalit Modi just shot up the bids for the last two new franchises. They are still hurting as far as return on their equity on those amount. Now the two new franchises made a bid for around 1500 CRORES EACH. This gives them a return on equity of LESS THAN TWO PERCENT.  Just how stupid is that. Even if we take a stupendous increment in net profit by 4 to 5 times current earnings, their net return after an increase in brand value would amount to not very much. Just about 7 percent at best.The less than two percent return on equity plus the (probable increase intheir brandequity in terms of share value which may average out to 5 percent a year on a 8to 10 year period. 7 percent is less than the current bank rate interest being offered. So, just where is the logic in taking this kind of a risk?

The explanations are quite simple. IPL is a money laundering machine. There are quite a few super rich individuals in our country who earn hundreds of crores a year. These people have no way of showing even a fraction of this money as it has been illegally earned. Unlike a businessman who can pay tax and a penalty on his black money to make it white money (asthe mode of earning is legal but the illegality is in avoiding taxes),these guys cannot declare this income as it has been earned due to illegal and corrupt means. Just admitting having it would mean a jail sentence. Therefore, the only way to make this white legal money is by investing this black money into legitimate businesses. The object here is not so much a return on their equity as it is to convert their illgotten and illegalgains into legal white money. Here even if the business venture is making a loss people invest in such ventures. If the business ends up making a profit as well its a bonus.

In this whole mess there are also allegations of match fixing and betting.  An enterprise like IPL is defintely ripe grounds for the betting mafia , diving line between betting n fixing is very thin when the stakes are too high. Paul Condon of the ICC anti corruption unit has already written on how IPL is a bomb waiting to explode in terms of the match fixing that may be taking place. He suggested that the anti corruption unit of the ICC should oversee all the IPL matches. The fees for this was a mere 1.2 million dollars or about 5.3 crores. This is peanuts when you take the staggering amounts involved in IPL. IF IPL WAS INDEED AN ORGANISATION ON THE UP AND UP AND WANTED TO PROJECT ITSELF AS SUCH THEY WOULD HAVE GRABBED THIS OPPORTUNITY WITH OPEN ARMS. HOWEVER, LALIT MODI REFUSED AND SAID THE AMOUNT BEING ASKED WAS TOO MUCH.ICC , incidentaly is being renamed as Impotent Cricket Council(ICC), they have been influenced ,too, big time by the money power of India in  Cricket!!!

To pay an amount less than 1 percent of earnings to secure the tournament from the disaster seems a bit too much. Why is that? Its not the amount that bothered  Modi but the idea that the anti corruption unit would not allow any match fixing thereby not allowing some of the owners to earn through /betting match fixing and thereby give them more return on their equity. Betting/ Match fixing would allow some of the owners to not only convert some of their illgotten gains which were illegally earned to become white money but would also allow them to earn more illegal money on their initial investments through match fixing. A win win situation on all counts. Of course none of this would be possible with Paul Condon and the anti corruption branch of the ICC monitoring all of the matches. So, Lalit Modi refused.

IPL although being vastly popular  has already dented the image of cricket big time. In our country most of the people watching IPL don’t care who wins. They just watch it for fun and driven by the society complusions.”Oh, I did not see you at Eden during IPL”, means you are no one in Society!!! In fact many youngsters(IPL great hit with the ladies as well , n why not) don’t even care if betting/match fixing is going on. They will still watch it as fun like watching a fictional movie…AVATAR!!

However, as long as the millions in India watch IPL matches irrespective of whether match fixing and betting exists the IPL will continue to earn its millions. However, its cannibilism on cricket’s other products like test cricket and one day cricket has already taken place.No one would even remember Ranji trophy, Duleep trophy and  Irani trophy . Further cannibalism will continue. The very nature of cricket is already in danger due to match
fixing and betting. As long as the millions in India don’t care, as they get this lovely entertainment of cricket (fake or real), and beautiful sexy women, combined with the opportunity to bet and enjoy oneself, IPL will continue in India as it has become India’s Las Vegas.

Passing Shot…
More n more SHOW CAUSE notices to Lalit Modi, charges of dividing the world cricket
since just 45 days of IPL is not enough to get the returns on investments, efforts to GLOBALISE IPL …but how about the role of Pataudi, Gavaskar n Shastri who are a part and parcel of IPL governing body, they are cricketers of repute..where have they been during the last 3 years?You need the likes of Bobby Talayarkhan(MID DAY)and Late Moti Nandi(Ananda Bazar Patrika) to highlight these dark and ghory  sides of the biggest invention of the century..the IPL!!

I have been blessed with great friends who are far more prolific writers than I pretend to be. Because of the public positions they hold, not all are giving me the liberty to attribute their names to their articles that I would post on this blog. There is no intention to plagiarism.

The next one on IPL is posted verbatim without giving credits to this great friend of mine, much as I would want it though

Its been a long time I haven’t visited my own blog. No excuses, except that it was pure laziness.

The fire in Stephen Court in Park Street, Kolkata, really broke my slumber off.

Having experienced fire once in one of my factories a few years ago, I have become super fire-conscious myself. One of the 5 elements that can really show its might if ignored is fire. It takes only a few minutes for it move from its gentle warmth to horrific proportions.

We Indians generally get most affected because of our religious beliefs. “Jako rakhe sainya maar sake na koi”. As such we do nothing for our basic protection.

Has anyone wondered why most of the fires in Calcutta are so callously handled? Because West Bengal is the only state with the dubious distinction of having a fire minister! Why do we need the man? He is the one who has been blocking decisions to buy basic fire fighting clothes, leave apart clothes. Probably Calcutta’s Fire services are the only ones in the world wearing Khaki uniforms. Khaki is a color that was originally invented to remain discreet, just like to remain discreet the army uses Olive green (and now camouflage prints). Why can’t someone tell these fools that the firemen should be wearing High visibility yellows with retro-reflective tapes sewn on them so that people can see them? And these clothes should at least be fire-retardant, in not fire-proof.

Why shouldn’t the ‘fire minister’ be sacked for not utilizing the budgets that was already given to him?

The private sector works because the people who don’t work and don’t take responsibility for failure are sacked. I my organization I am proud to say that I sack non-performers at a drop of a hat.

This is what the private sector can do. Hats off to the new New Delhi airport. Basically, the same airport, refurbished and a new terminal building thrown in; swanky, clean and efficient. More number of travelers and the airport still has no queues, and it’s a pleasure to wait here. And my communist friends continue to sing paeans for state ‘enterprises’.

Food court is full of South Indian delicacies to Pizza Hut to Curries and of course, Costa. The only irritant is the constant hullabaloo of the announcements, for every flight, for every delaying passenger; and that too in two languages. Why do you need that? Maybe, we could take a lesson or two from HK airport. No boarding announcements at all. And, nobody misses a flight.

Every time I travel, I wonder why we Indians are the way we are? Why don’t we want to learn from others; why do we not think and stop to take a look at the way we work.

My list of such things can be huge, but I would limit to aviation – something truly makes the world a global village.

Yesterday, I accidently booked a ticket from Mumbai to Delhi on the international flight of Air India. Assuming it to be a domestic flight, I landed at the Mumbai Domestic terminal, only to be turned away to the international one, a good half hour by car though the airport is same! At both the terminals, the computer print-out of ticket was thoroughly checked and tallied with my photo ID, notwithstanding the fact, that it can take me less than a few minutes to simply create a computer print-out; if I were a crook. Checking before entering the airport is something unique only to India. It can’t do any harm, so I will leave it at that as an example of Indian bureaucracy.

What worries me is the fact that at the point of boarding the plane, nobody bothers to see a photo ID of the passenger. The focus is on the illegible rubber stamp on the Boarding pass or the hand baggage.

Again, if I were to be a crook, wanting to escape out of India leaving no trace to the authorities, I could easily do the following:

Get a Boarding pass of the domestic leg of an international flight of Air India with no checked in baggage (so that they won’t look for you more than once when you don’t board); get an accomplice to take a boarding pass for the whole international journey; use the domestic boarding pass until I arrive at the gate so that no immigration is required; use the international boarding pass to get on board; and remain on the plane with a valid international boarding pass. Simple! All on the national carrier!!

I assure, I am not a crook. So I won’t do such a thing. But there are too many of them on the loose; and I suspect they know this. Only our rubber stamp happy authorities do not know what to do.

World over, they look for a photo ID or passport depending on the type of flight before you board the plane, except India. Either the whole world is wrong; or India is!

No prizes for guessing the answer!!

Any more praise for Times of India, and I would look like their marketing agent. We are surely on red alert with the Swine Flu pandemic, which has caused 17 people to die in India in last 4 months. Road accidents are killing 17 people every hour in our country, and we have the dubious distinction of topping the list of countries with highest road deaths.

And we don’t give a damn to safety, saying the lofty “Jako rakhe saiya maar sake na koi”.

The TOI has taken up cudgels for the Road safety. I really hope this works and I survive the Indian roads to write the next article on this forum. Having said that, the good intention is flawed with a bad model that won’t deliver results. The ubiquitous Road Safety Weeks have been held in India ever since roads were invented; and they don’t work. All you do, is to grab a loudspeaker and scream, ‘drive safety’, ‘no hurry, no worry’ and such slogans, and create sound pollution and ironically driving distractions.

Human race since time immemorial has been relating the most to role models. Whether its great leaders or great systems, nothing demonstrates the capability to do things better (or sometimes worse) than well established models. Instead of a Road Safety Week, we need a model road. Just one!! That model road should have international quality signage, road marks, traffic cameras, trained traffic police and high and instant fines for safety violations. Once people would see the advantage of road safety, they would automatically be willing to adapt to road safety on other roads.

Our politicians, specially the communist variety, opposed computerization tooth and nail all through the 1980s. They would have continued to do so, but for the Indian Railways. The computerized reservation system demonstrated to the public, what computerization can do, in terms of creating efficiency without necessarily taking away jobs. The communists backed down and now are the most vocal proponents of computerization, e-governance, e-this and e-that!!

The model road should have tough and logical laws. A heavy vehicle driving on the wrong side of the road should be charged with culpable homicide, while a habitual cyclist doing so, should be simply charged with attempt to suicide. Its impossible that the Police Commissioner himself has not averted the crazy cyclist who with full confidence was driving on the wrong side of the road.

Today’s headlines in the TOI is that Rs. 167,000 crores worth of fake money is in circulation, out of which only Rs.63 crores has been seized.

I first advocated money in demat form on 9^th January, 2009 and again on Fake money on 2nd March, on my blog. There is no way money fake money can be seized in a more sizeable quantum, even if the whole Indian police get after this single pursuit. Counterfeiting technologies would continue to improve. So much so, that it would soon be possible print a year’s hard earned money in a day at home. The only way forward is ; demonetize and limit.

What’s the need for the Rs.500 or Rs.1000 notes to exist in the first place for anbybody who is honest? Income Tax doesn’t recognize any expenditure above Rs.20000 incurred in cash as tenable. Then who needs all this paper money. You guessed it right; the babus, the politicians, the dishonest businessmen, and the terrorists – and I deliberately say this in the same breath. The babus and politicians can’t take bribe in cash from dishonest businessmen and the terrorists can’t be funded by the bankrupt Pakistan with real money.

The home printing of money will carry on, till such time there is a blanket ban on any transaction above Rs.10000, or anybody found hoarding more than Rs.10 lakh in cash to be charged with a criminal offence. Chances are that the  government won’t do anything. So I am thankful to that gas station attendant who simply refused to take the Rs.1000 note from me last week.

Public would make paper money as extinct as the pager. And people would do it. Babus, you like it or not!

If there is one newspaper who is upholding the principles of responsible journalism, even today, its The Times of India.

The Lead India and Vote India campaign, goaded the urban populace to vote like never before in the last elections. The green contribution in the form Elliot Park in Calcutta, or taking on Mamta Banerjee and the CPM head on with equal weight, or the Teach India campaign now.

Its positive journalism too: this morning the TOI saluted the Calcuttans for refusing to stay indoors during the strike called by bus operators, and taking on alternative modes of transport. The bus operators called off the strike and have no choice but to take off from Calcutta roads 15 year old venom spewing vehicles.

I salute you, TOI.

I wrote the following letter this morning to few of my female team members, who braved to come to the office despite a Bandh (a General Strike), where a few political ruffians gather like street dogs and block others from going to work and make a living.

Dear Ruma, Sneha, Rina, Manidipa, Sheela, Farhat & Sulogna,

I truly admire you for the fearless ladies you are. May God empower you to maintain this enviable trait in you for the rest of your lives.

It is powerful women like you, who can truly make a difference to the society by refusing to accept nonsense from its perpetrators.

Do not feel ashamed next time to offer a pair of bangles to the so-called men cowering in their homes, shunning away their duty and self respect, just at the call of some spineless politicians who in the first place make a living off other people’s hard work, just like lowly scavengers do in a jungle.

I am proud that you are part of my team, and have taken the liberty to put this letter up on my blog.

Best regards,

Anil Kariwala